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Snakes in Movies
 
Piranhaconda (2012)
 
Spoiler Alert !

Some of these pictures and descriptions may give away plot details that you might not want to know before watching the film.
 
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Part Snake! Part Fish! All Killer!

Half Fish, Half Snake… All Death


This is a Syfy TV movie that promises nothing more than giant killer snake hybrids that hunger for human flesh with purposeless aggression, and lots of attractive young women in skimpy bathing suits, and it delivers. It's campy and not really supposed to be taken seriously. It even makes fun of exploitation films, including itself. (A disclaimer in the credits says "No animals were harmed in the production of this motion picture, but a few did become overweight from too many treats.") This all makes it a bit more fun than some of the other gigantic monster snake movies. It has a film crew making a low-budget slasher movie called Head Chopper 3 that looks even better than this one. The script girl and the stunt man from the movie end up as this movie's protagonists with a happy-ever-after love story. For the ladies. Because everybody knows women are huge fans of gigantic monster snake movies. Also, this is one of the only giant monster snake movies I've seen that has it's own song. It's a surf-guitar-drowned-in-reverb rock song sung by Jasmin Poncelet, and it's one of the best things about the movie. (That and Rachel Hunter in a yellow bikini.)  There's a link to the song and some of the lyrics below.

There is also a lot of plot stuff in the movie, if you need that sort of thing - a herpetologist who wants to sell the snake's eggs, a low-budget film crew making a slasher movie, some magic orchid hunters, and a band of abandoned mercenaries kidnapping people for ransom. But that's just to fill the time between the giant snake killings.

Michael Madsen gets top billing, but he's hardly in the movie. He's a herpotologist and when we do see him, he says things like the snakes are evolutionary mutations turned into dangerous predators of enormous size with hyperacute senses making them the most dangerous predators ever known to mankind, and other faux sciency stuff like that.

The snakes are hybrids between piranhas and anacondas. (I'd like to see video of that breeding session...) Basically, it looks like a snake with a mohawk. Giant monster snake movie purists might say that this movie does not belong on my list of giant monster snake movies because the snakes are hybrids of a fish and a reptile. My reply to them is - Really!? There are giant monster snake movie purists?

Based on the number and popularity of these humans vs. gigantic monster animal films, I bet we'll be seeing a lot more of them (hopefully more monster snakes.) I'm still waiting to hear back from Syfy about "SalamanderRattler," my screenplay about a gigantic hybrid monster salamander with enormous fangs and a rattle on its tail. For ninety-nine percent of the year the slimy beast stays underground, sleeping, like most salamanders do, but one day of the year, the day the movie takes place of course, it emerges to eat lots of girls in bikinis. I predict a massive hit. Call me Syfy!


Piranhaconda song on YouTube

"All he wants is human flesh and bone
Hope you never find yourself alone
If you're bold and try to have a swim
You're gonna find yourself eye to eye with him
I said look out
look out
I said look out
look out
Piranhaconda

Piranha
Piranhaconda
Ooh piranhaconda

If you don't listen up to me
You'll die in pain becaus you cannot see
This ain't a song
This is a warning
To not be caught in piranhaconda's coiling

look out
I said look out
look out
look out
Piranhaconda

Piranha
Piranhaconda
Ooh piranhaconda
...
Is it a fish or is it a snake?
He's always hungry once he wakes
Faster than the speed of light
Feel the jaw, you're gonna feel the bite
...
Watch him as he goes teeth sharp as knives
Half the time, see, he'll take your life
You better run because he's on your tail
You better hide because you know he never fails

I said look out
look out
I said look out
look out
Piranhaconda"


Watch the Piranhaconda Trailer.