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Snakes in Movies
 
Big Bad Bugs (The Vortex: Gate to Armageddon) (2012)
 
Spoiler Alert !

Some of these pictures and descriptions may give away plot details that you might not want to know before watching the film.
 
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Big Bad Bugs Screenshot Big Bad Bugs Screenshot Big Bad Bugs Screenshot
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Big Bad Bugs Screenshot Big Bad Bugs Screenshot Big Bad Bugs Screenshot


This has a couple of giant fire-breathing monster snakes in the finale, so I'm putting it on the list, though I wouldn't recommend watching it. If you want to watch a monster snake movie, look at the posters for this one, which are better than the movie, then go watch Anaconda again. The IMDB rating for this is 2.3 out of 10, which is probably high. At least it does live up to its title - there are some big bugs in the movie, and they are bad - badly rendered.

There's a plot with a romantic triangle, lots of macho military posturing, and some good-scientist vs. bad-scientist drama, but none of that matters because this is basically just a creature feature and only the monsters matter. There are some funny shots of a soldier riding a giant spider, gigantic scorpions using their stingers to impale people, and giant soldier-munching murder hornets. The best shot is when the wimpy good-scientist makes a flame-thrower out of a can of bug spray to roast a giant bug. And the tough guys laughed at him for bringing bug spray...

The bugs come from some other world through a vortex that is linked somehow to magic glowing crystals. Even though we are told that the bugs are getting bigger and meaner and smarter, they're still too dumb to work together to easily destroy the humans. I'll spoil the ending now so you won't be tempted to watch this.

The snakes finally show up at the very very end when a group of soldiers, who are in the movie just to give the bugs someone to kill, find the vortex and plan to blow it up. But the bad-scientist wants to protect the vortex, so he stabs himself with a crystal and lightning shoots from the sky and turns him into a gigantic talking fire-breathing snake. Finally. The giant snake roasts and eats some soldiers until the commanding soldier, spider rider, and one third of the romantic triangle, sacrifices himself by stabbing a crystal into his gut. They teach that in basic training, I think. Lightning shoots down and turns him into another giant snake and then we get some giant snake on giant snake action. For a few seconds. It's blurry and dark and so short that basically it's a waste of time. It's also some of the laziest CGI I've ever seen. The artists didn't even bother to look at pictures of real snakes before drawing these. So maybe it's for the best that the snakes are quickly sucked into the vortex and blasted out of our sight. They left a clue for a sequel, but fortunately we've already gone 9 years without one, so I think we're safe.